Raising Men

Raising Men:

How Fathers and Sons Can Walk in Freedom When Mom Won’t Step Back

The Hidden Challenge

Every son deserves the opportunity to grow into the man God created him to be strong, wise, responsible, and confident. Yet sometimes, even well-meaning mothers unintentionally dominate, protect too much, or undermine the father’s role.

This article is not about blame. It’s about equipping fathers and sons with biblical guidance, practical steps, and encouragement so the father can lead and the son can step into true manhood.

For Sons: Gaining Freedom

• Recognize the need for independence: Remaining overly tied to Mom can hinder decision-making, confidence, and authority.
• Set healthy boundaries respectfully: Use words that honor while asserting your independence. Example: “Mom, I appreciate your advice, but I need to make this decision on my own.”
• Anchor your identity in God: “A wise son makes a glad father, but a foolish man despises his mother.” (Proverbs 15:20 ESV) — honor your mother while stepping into freedom.

For Fathers: Reclaiming Your Role

Many fathers face the challenge of a mother who:

• Questions decisions in front of the son
• Interferes in discipline
• Positions herself as the primary authority

This can confuse the son and weaken the father’s leadership. But God calls fathers to lead courageously, even in challenging family dynamics.

Biblical Duties to Model Manhood

1. Teach Godly Wisdom: “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” (Proverbs 22:6 ESV) consistent instruction shapes a son’s values.
2. Show Integrity and Responsibility: Lead by example in work, prayer, and character. “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” (Ephesians 6:4 ESV)
3. Guide in Faith and Knowledge: Teach your son to make decisions with God’s wisdom. “Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.” (Psalm 119:105 ESV)

Practical Tips for Fathers

1. Have Private, Respectful Conversations with Mom:
   • Example: “I need to guide our son in these areas. I value your input, but I need the space to lead.”

1. Create Father-Son Rituals:

1. • Bible study, mentoring sessions, or shared projects that teach responsibility and faith.

1. Bring in Mentors and Positive Male Role Models:

1. • Encourage uncles, grandfathers, coaches, or pastors to reinforce fatherly lessons.

The Adult Son: Walking in Freedom

For sons who are adults:

• Honor your mother while establishing independence in your decisions, finances, and family life.
• Recognize your father’s authority and wisdom as a guide, even if imperfect.
• Anchor your identity in Christ: “For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.” (Galatians 5:1 ESV)

Practical example: If Mom tries to dictate a career choice or relationship, respectfully affirm your decision: “Mom, I hear you, and I respect your perspective, but I’m making this choice under God’s guidance.”

Why This Matters

• Sons learn to step into manhood without rebellion or resentment.
• Fathers maintain authority and influence, fulfilling their God-given role.
• Families experience healthier boundaries and generational growth.

Bottom Line

Freedom and strong manhood come not from rebellion, but from respect, boundaries, and God-centered leadership.

• Fathers: Lead boldly, guide faithfully, and don’t let anyone undermine your role in your son’s life.
• Sons: Honor your parents but step into the man God created you to be.

With faith, courage, and practical steps, Black fathers in Chicago and sons navigating adult relationships with their mothers can break the cycle, raise men of God, and build legacies of strength, wisdom, and integrity.